Should Children Attend Funerals?

Deciding whether to bring a child to a funeral is a deeply personal choice that stirs a range of opinions among parents and psychologists. Exposing a young child to such an emotionally charged event raises questions about their emotional readiness, the family’s needs, and societal expectations. In this article we explore differing viewpoints, some advocating for inclusion, others urging caution, to help parents navigate a delicate decision.

Many argue that attending a funeral can be a valuable experience for children, offering closure and a chance to process loss in a real and physical way. Funerals provide a natural opportunity to teach children about mortality. Witnessing a funeral can demystify death for someone who has no reference point in their life yet. For a child who’s lost a grandparent, seeing the casket or hearing eulogies can make the abstract concept of “gone” more concrete.

On the other side of the coin, funerals can overwhelm young minds, possibly even disrupting the service itself. Kids that are too young may lack the mental tools to process what is happening in the first place. The raw emotions of a room full of crying people can trigger anxiety. For a child to see their role models in such a state can make them feel confused or unable to grasp what is happening. Perhaps we can set aside another time to recognize what happened without the formality and seriousness of a funeral. Lighting a candle or drawing a picture can be a gentler way to confront such a reality for very young children.

If you do decide to bring your child to a funeral, it’s important to prepare them for what they might see. Tell them there will be tears, a casket, and people will be sad. A good funeral director will support you and give you the tools you need, such as picture books that gently introduce the idea of mortality. In some cases, it might make sense to give your child the choice to attend or not. Offering them options can be a way to balance out the feelings of powerlessness around death. Framing the situation in such a way gives kids a little bit of control and can ease their worry.

In the end there is no right or wrong answer – only what is right for you and your family. While funerals are a lifecycle event, sometimes it can be a burden too heavy for children. Talk to your child, gauge their readiness, and don’t judge other parents’ decisions. Grief is a rocky road to travel and we are here to help you navigate it.