A Funeral Director’s Musings

As funeral professionals, we feel at times that we are stewards of others’ grief. Being invited, suddenly and constantly, to engage in a stranger’s upsetting and intimate experience has a profound effect on us. How can it not? We are often drawn for a brief moment into the family dynamic and get a glimpse “behind the curtain.”

Yet such a task requires a unique kind of awareness. While a funeral director is a director, they do not direct people as much as they direct the proceedings, with a gentleness and calmness that gives assurance to others. Done properly, we are mostly unseen and simply create a space to acknowledge and confront a loved one’s passing.

How we feel after someone we love dies is delicate and unpredictable. It’s tied up in our history with that person; informed by our memories and imagination of them; and linked to other relationships we still have. Such a complex set of emotions and thoughts now needs to be navigated, sometimes for years, and sometimes forever. The world is changed without someone we loved, and we feel ourselves being changed too.